...or something

today i started unpacking and the floodgates opened!! i sat in my room and cried, then i walked to a bar by the train tracks and now here i sit, sadly, happily (i am by the train tracks, after all) thinking of asheville. (i know it sucked most of the time, but some of the time, when i was wish josh, or shitfaced, or in the mountains, or laying in bed with andrew, i really loved it.) *sigh* i need a cigarette.

lots of adventures. check facebook album!

i started packing last night. it made me not be able to sleep. today i sat on my car outside the car fixer place and cried (but just a little). then i gave my perfect bookshelf and bike i've had forever to my friend eloise for her son. i am a sap! no more packing til sunday. it is not time to go quite yet.

my wifey is going to drive to seattle with me!! hooray!!

last day of classes. hooray!

boob project done. sad. :(

have to make a really long drive in a week. it is finally setting in.

two barbeques wednesday. hooray!

saying goodbyes. sad. :(

hmm. there are other things. but i would rather go drink margaritas on muriel's stoop.

i have decided to make the trip with my little cat and my little car and not much else.

option 1 -
rent 16 foot truck from penske, rent car dolly, tow car, maybe kill myself on highway, spend over 1200 bucks, make out with british boy at the hostel.

option 2 -
rent pickup truck from enterprise, sell car, spend 400 bucks, make out with british boy at the hostel.

i'm in serious distress. i fucking love that car.

i've been getting cool texts from a marine who wants me.

i gave up sex for lent - and i meant it. i've done a good job. i like it. i'm sticking to it.

i have a coffee date tomorrow. i have a sort-of looking at the sky date i'm marauding with a hot beautiful boy.

i'm living. i'm dealing with shit as it comes. trying to be a good person and love people who deserve to be loved and looking really really forward to seattle in may.

this past week was rough. but now i think i'm happy. i'm just going along and belly is great.

drunk cari says:

man, i don't know about anyone else -

but i have just felt WEIRD and DOWN lately.

today i just kept staring at the rain and wanting to shoot myself in the face.

"...it too shall pass."

i just need a LONG vacation.

"hey --
i heard you threw most of my stuff away, i was just wondering if you still have those guitar picks from all the shows i went to and my off by one t-shirt. they really mean a lot to me."

WHAT IS FUCKING MEAN ABOUT THAT EMAIL? NOTHING.

andrew is a fucking psychotic, and emotionally retarded, if he gets *that* and has to run out and tell all my friends about these mean emails i'm sending him.

i'm guessing i'm never getting my picks back.

or dating anyone ever again. my taste is obviously not refined enough for my own good. bad wine gets you drunk. but the hangover isn't worth it.

edit: i thought about it and i get it. he's trying to make people not like me. it's stupid and pathetic. fuck him. find your own friends and stop making shit up. asshole.

the moon and venus are suppose to be really pretty tomorrow night.

is it bad that i find getting blackout drunk therapeutic?

probably. but i love my friends. seriously.

you know how i mentioned like a month ago that there's a 13th zodiacal constellation? the sun passes through it between scorpio and sagittarius, and it's called ophiuchus, or the "snake holder".

guess who's a snake holder.

that's right bitches. can't find my horoscope in the paper. this is strangely soothing to me. i like being a mystery.

happy friday the 13th!

at least we get a badass holiday to soften the blow of the stupid one tomorrow.

tonight at the theater we get to dress up as murdered campers. i'm pretty stoked.

i finally broke down and quit trying to be mature and destroyed all the shit he gave me. it felt good.

come on. add my cflicks lj. it is way more interesting than any of the stupid bullshit that ends up pouring out of my brain at the end of the day.





jaclyn pushing my chair up the street on my skateboard!

( pictures of my new room! )

when i move, i move completely and immediately.

i think ricky still has stuff at his old house he moved from four months ago.

this morning all my shit was in my old place. tonight, none of it is. (except my mattress - it was too icy for the truck i had lined up)

when i went back for belly i put him in the car and immediately started to cry.

it is hard to say goodbye. but good.

the new place feels really nice. i love my room and my bathroom and the fact that i have laundry washing right now and am using the internet.

belly is not freaking out.

i am trying to accept my changing life. i am trying not to need people so much. (except jaclyn, bek, mal)

i am trying to accept loneliness and aloneness. i think the latter is good for me right now.

i always get lost in new places. i have a horrible sense of direction.

but i'm finally starting to find my way around this campus and this life.

( bek, school, and the house )